This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
