hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
