no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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