when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
