Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
