We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
