This is not my ceiling
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
