I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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