You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize