Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
