I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
