apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
