I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he thought i was a dude.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
