when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize