how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
