Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
