i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
