youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
