Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
