i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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