New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We left an ass print on the piano.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
