dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
