Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
