She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
