Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
