I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
