He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
