i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
