think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
