the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
