Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
