He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
