Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
how drunk are you?
Several
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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