Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
