well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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