I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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