Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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