I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
