happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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