Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
