i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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