everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize