my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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