I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
