We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
