Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
