i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
