My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
