Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
