i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
