We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
