We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
