i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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