He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
