yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
