You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i now understand why vodka
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
