How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
