He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
