NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
