As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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