i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
