I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize