i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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