He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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