he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
