Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
